By Russell D. Longcore
Let’s get this puppy started! Oops, gotta be careful. If Obama sees this, he might the idea to get some dogburgers delivered from some oriental restaurant in DC.
The Nation I: Mittens Romney won all four primaries last Tuesday. Big F***ing deal. Remember that you are going to vote for the lesser of two evils in November. And shame on you if you vote at all. If your vote, you are part of the problem, not part of the solution.
The Nation II: In our “Delusional Sociopath” Department, we gladly announce that Newt Gingrich has pulled out of the race. He probably will expect a Cabinet appointment or ambassadorship. I hope Romney makes Newt the Ambassador to BumfuckEgyptistan; or South Sudan, which is in a civil war.
The Nation III: Because the only thing that matters in the Mainstream Media is the Presidential race, let’s talk about who will be Mittens’ VP choice. There is lots of talk about Senator Marco Rubio of Florida. Small problem. Both of Rubio’s parents were born in Cuba. According to the oft-ignored old Constitution, “Natural Born Citizen does not mean just born on American soil. One must also be born of parents who were born on American soil. But why should that stop the Republicans? Sure as hell didn’t stop Barry Soetoro aka Barack Obama.
International I: Spain has made a move toward totalitarianism, and I promise you that the eyes of other nations are on this move. This week, the Madrid government banned cash transactions over $2,500 Euros between anybody, individuals or businesses. This is a blatant destruction of individual rights. They SAY that the move is aimed to combat black market activities. But I’m throwing the bullshit flag on Spain. This is about one thing…making sure that the Spanish government gets all the tax revenue it can collect. But in a wider sense, the order sets the stage for the cashless world system that all the governments would like to see…complete control of every individual. The funniest thing is that in my opinion, this will make the black market more vibrant, not less. The Black Market always figures out a way to avoid and evade the taxman.
International II: In the French primary election, President Nicolas Sarkozy came in second to socialist Francois Hollande. The French people don’t seem to want a national government that only spends what it takes in. They don’t want the austerity measures that are required for the French government to continue. France wants bread and circuses. Soon they will have neither.
International III: In March, Russia and Mexico each bought nearly $1 Billion in gold bullion. Mexico bought 16.8 TONS of gold, valued at $906.4 Million, and Russia bought 16.5 tons. The governments of Russia and Mexico understand very clearly, what is about to happen to the US Dollar. And don’t forget that China is likely the largest gold producer in the world, since they don’t release their mining figures. Speak Mandarin yet?
Business: Mad Cow Disease has been discovered in a cow in California. One dairy cow was found to have bovine spongiform encephalopathy, (BSE), otherwise known as Mad Cow disease. Seem a company was picking up dead cows for rendering, which means they cut up animals, boil the meat off the bones and use nearly every part of the animal for something, including cow feed. Yes friends, cows are fed cow by-products. As a matter of course, this company randomly tests for BSE. And the first test came back negative. Why they tested a second time, I don’t know. But they found the disease in this one cow. If you ever want to know what happens to cattle in the American beef industry just Google the words “cattle cruelty” and watch some of the videos there. You’ll think twice about your next Whopper. In today’s America, only grass-fed, free-range, drug-free organic beef is safe to eat. Remember, the USDA regulates the food industry, and they lie all the time, just like the rest of the Federal Government. If only random testing occurs, you know that other diseased cows are getting through without being discovered. And what doctor or hospital would want to reveal that Mad Cow disease killed someone? The political pressure to hide it to protect the Beef Industry would be enormous.
But here’s tonight’s commercial message. Here are the most important questions I could ask you: Are you living the dream? Do you spend as much time with the people you love as you want to? Are you living in the home of your dreams? Are you living in the spot in the world that you dream of? Do you drive the car of your dreams? Do you have a dream of helping others in some charity that remains unfulfilled? And let’s talk about where we spend a huge chunk of our time…at work. Are you working at the job of your dreams? Are you making the kind of money you always dreamed of earning? Were you able to answer “YES” to any of those questions? Most people I know are not living the dream…whatever that phrase means to THEM. I can’t tell you what YOUR dream is. But if you could not answer “YES”, how are you planning to make your dreams come true? There is a racing analogy that works well here: You must have the right vehicle but you must be the right driver. Think about it. If you have a NASCAR or Formula One car, and you’re the driver, you’ll probably get yourself killed in a race. And if you take the best NASCAR or Formula One driver and put him in a Volkswagen Beetle, he has no chance of winning. To win and make your dreams come true, you must be the right driver in the right vehicle. Here is another important question: How important ARE your dreams to you? Do you have a burning desire to make them come true…or do you just enjoy fantasizing about what it would be like to live the dream? Most of the people I spend time with are in the first category. They are working hard to make their dreams come true. Even if you have the right vehicle and you don’t think you’re the right driver, cheer up!! You can Learn to be a great driver…the driver of your dreams! If you’d like to learn more about making your dreams come true, and whether or not my energy business could be the right vehicle for you, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. We can talk about it possibly design a plan to make your dreams come true!
Economy I: The number of actual new unemployment claims under state programs, unadjusted, totaled 366,743 in the week ending April 21, a decrease of 3,484 from the previous week. Yet, the Labor Department reported 388,000 new jobless claims last week. Folks, think about this. Every week for almost two years, a group of people the size of Oakland, California or Omaha, Nebraska get laid off. For TWO YEARS. That is 100 weeks of Omaha-sized layoffs. Recovery, my ass. Every time you see a news story that even hints at recovery, you should throw the bullshit flag at your TV.
Sports: NBA Player Ron Artest, who changed his name to Metta World Peace, had a bad case of stupid while his Lakers were playing the OKC Thunder last Sunday. Mr. Peace threw an elbow that hit Thunder player James Harden right behind his left ear, sending him to the floor with a concussion. Candyass NBA Commissioner David Stern only suspended Metta for seven games. What a disgrace Stern is. The Peaceman should be fined a month’s salary and suspended for the remainder of the season. That would send a message. But the fans like NBA Thugball, just like they like NHL Hockey. So the thuggery will continue.
Entertainment: Donald Trump’s Miss Universe Pageant has a dude competing this year with all the girls. Canada’s contestant (Canada??) is 23-year-old Jenna Talackova, who may look like a girl, but still has the XY chromosomes the rest of us guys have. It was only four years ago that he had a dick-ectomy. Have you seen this guy? He’s totally hot…no Adam’s apple issues, no five o’clock shadow, no deep voice, great set of hooters. No RuPaul action here. Actually looks a lot like Lisa Kudrow of the old Friends sitcom. Wait a minute! I hear some of you clucking your tongues because I think he’s real pretty. But my wife says that I’m just a lesbian trapped in a man’s body. After all, I like to do the same stuff lesbians do, except I do not need a strap-on. Makes sense to me…
Dump DC: Six Letters That Can Change History.
Copyright 2012: Russell D. Longcore. Permission to reprint in whole or in part is gladly granted, provided full credit is given.